Blog - August 28, 2023

Ode On The Softball Lesbian | GO Mag

It’s really no key that i am more unathletic lesbian to actually ever exist inside cruel, cold globe. As I was actually a youngster, I familiar with put awake through the night tossing and flipping, fearing the day that we would be obligated to play softball in gym course. I did not comprehend the regulations of game but was actually also embarrassed to speak up-and ask. I did not wish expose how stupid and unathletic I found myself, I guess.

Plus, i had crushes regarding sporty women. I was convinced I happened to be a complete lesbians around me the ripe ol’ chronilogical age of 10, and that I ended up being getting alarmingly conscious of my kind: the Softball Lesbian. I did not know any single thing regarding the “softball lesbian” trope in the past, but We innately recognized it, if you know what I mean. I really could sense that one girls in cleats and jerseys had been probably going to cultivate up-and understand these were queerer than a three buck costs.

We swooned on top of the girls just who used their head of hair in neat, slicked-back ponytails; girls just who ran more quickly than the guys; the “great girls” all rosy-cheeked and healthy, lightly tanned from a lifetime spent in the open air, playing recreations. They just seemed therefore collectively. So completely North-eastern. Forever adorned in L.L. Bean, getting residence straight-As for their happy moms and dads, the captains of “Color conflict” at sleep-away camp. They used sludgy-green fleeces inside the fall and North Face smoke coats in cold weather. Lacrosse sticks popped out of their JanSport backpacks as they confidently strode down the class hallways like they possessed the place.

I found myself the precise opposite from the softball lesbian.  As a teenager, I never rocked practical clothing like wool when summertime changed into autumn. Not just performed I travel outside of the uterus awful at recreations, but I also appeared (and still look) deranged using my locks in a ponytail. I worn my personal hair all the way down in lengthy, distressed mermaid locks my entire life.

Distressed mermaid locking devices are not conducive to doing something that requires breaking a sweat. They can be good to drinking wine in a sophisticated interior cafe, because of the windows sealed shut so my already wild hair isn’t generated also crazy from the tiniest gust of wind.

I might n’t have been a softball child lesbian, but I truly ~connected~ together with them in early stages. The most important softball lesbian I installed with is at sleep-away camp. We realized if I couldn’t end up being the colors conflict chief, I would have sexual intercourse aided by the colors conflict captain, you are aware?

We made it happen inside her bunk-bed at 2 a.m. It actually was the very first time I would had gender with anybody, male or female, and it ended up being spectacularly uncomfortable.

She ended up being those types of cool currently outside of the wardrobe youngsters, and that I was still testing the homosexual oceans by advising every person I *might* be bi. I understood that becoming gay intended no pretty lady perks and, as somebody who was raised by a striking product, We understood everything about pretty woman benefits (I quickly learned they certainly weren’t benefits at all. These were burdens that have been demeaning, condescending, blazingly sexist, and usually horrible—but that knowledge were to come a long period later).

I am proud to state I destroyed my lesbian virginity with a softball lesbian. It absolutely was a powerful way to get rid of it—wrapped right up in thoroughly clean pure cotton sheets, squished into a twin sleep, The Indigo Girls lightly playing in back ground, and graffiti scrawled over the wood planks.

I recall curling right up alongside the lady, taking-in the woman scent (she smelled like Secret deodorant and Pantene Pro-V hair care and conditioner in one single), and experience truly safe in her muscly, tanned hands.

I recall contrasting those hands to my own. Mine happened to be scrawny and pale, while hers were powerful and honey-colored. They seemed great together. Possibly this is certainly considering some deep-rooted, internalized femme-phobia i’ve but to confront (don’t worry, I’m in therapy), but I believed just as if my personal softball lesbian could protect me personally from all kinds of danger. Like, if she encountered the brainpower to strategize the woman softball games so perfectly, then she need to have also had the brainpower to rescue united states if evil causes happened to be to take control of camp.

Bad causes never got more than camp. I went the place to find Connecticut in mid-August and not watched my softball lesbian once again.

But the most important woman I previously severely dated had been a softball lesbian as well. We had been grownups, but I could straight away tell she had played sporting events at school. As soon as we installed my personal mascara-adorned sight on her behalf at neighborhood gay club, we envisioned the girl sporting mitts and cleats.

She had that relaxed “comfy in her human anatomy” method about the woman that sporty women have actually, aside from their height or weight. She ended up being clothed suitably for all the weather, and I noticed a health club membership credit holding from their key-chain. We believed my heart flutter. She asked me out a week later.

On all of our basic date, I believed to the lady, “we guess you’re the chief of the softball staff in highschool.”

“How can you tell?” she questioned, alarmed.

“as you only have that healthy athletic electricity, and you are extremely, really sharp and incredibly, extremely disciplined. You feel like a leader.”

“Ugh, such a stereotype, but, yes, it’s true.”

“I wish I became the lesbian softball-playing stereotype,” I confessed. “if you are gonna be boxed-in by society, you need to be boxed in as a sports athlete. I’m boxed-in as some bratty femme.”

“Is that genuine?” she questioned, increasing a sexily unmanicured brow at me personally.

“is exactly what genuine?” I mentioned, slugging right back my champagne.

“have you been a bratty femme?” she came back, slugging back her alcohol.

I was thinking concerning this for one minute. I gazed at my classic Chanel clutch as I contemplated my personal bratty femme-ness. We went my fingers throughout the buttery leather-based and wondered if the champagne I found myself drinking on ended up being actual champagne—like, from Champagne, France.

And then it hit me personally: I happened to be a bratty femme. Indeed, I embodied the bratty femme. If there seemed to be an award for brattiest femme in all from the lesbian-land, I would win.

“Yes,” we answered,” but I’m balanced out by beautiful softball lesbians like you.” I batted my personal lashes at the girl.

And it’s true. I count on the softball lesbian keeping myself grounded and secure.

Indeed, softball lesbians will be the anchor associated with the gay society. They truly are the girls whom developed amazing lesbian recreations leagues that are so direly vital that you all of our area since they are mostly of the occasions that don’t entail sipping. We might block to passing in booze if this was not for lesbian activities leagues that sober united states up-and push us in to the sun!

They’re constantly the first one to help me to hoist my personal heavy case onto the ferry while I’m planning flames Island. My bag would nevertheless be from the dock whether or not it wasn’t for any assistance of the trustworthy softball lesbian.

They get myself up out of bed on Sunday days whenever I’m hungover, since it is in their genetic makeup products to want to-do something healthier after consuming, like taking a walk from inside the playground. I would still be during sex, smoking and self-loathing whether or not it weren’t for the softball lesbians i have outdated. I would however smoke cigars as a whole if it wasn’t on their behalf. Softball lesbians detest cigarettes.

They truly are in addition fantastic in bed. Dozens of years from the industry truly coached them simple tips to move their bodies.

So, thank you so much softball lesbians. And know, regardless, I’ll be cheering available whenever you victory the lesbian softball contest in addition to my personal military of bratty femmes.